


When I Fantasize at Night

by thekindworthreading



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Insecurity, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-17
Updated: 2020-04-17
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:42:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23698699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thekindworthreading/pseuds/thekindworthreading
Summary: James is away and Alexander feels stupid for missing him.
Relationships: Alexander Hamilton/Thomas Jefferson, Alexander Hamilton/Thomas Jefferson/James Madison
Comments: 10
Kudos: 161





	When I Fantasize at Night

**Author's Note:**

  * For [goddamnfaith](https://archiveofourown.org/users/goddamnfaith/gifts).



> @goddamnfaith yes this is the thing I wrote after I said I´d go to sleep. Am I regreting it? No. Am I sorry that I kept you awake so long? Yes...

“Hamilton, is it possible for you to join me for dinner this evening? I would like to propose a new plan to you.”, Thomas asks, and Alexander nods, trying to not let his surprise show.

During the last three months he had spent almost every night at Thomas´ house, but always together with James, who had left this morning for a work trip. He will be back in a week, and Alexander had assumed, that their… relationship would be on hold for that time.

Still, at the end of the day he follows Thomas outside, and they take a carriage to his house. Their talk about politics during dinner feels forced, and Alexander shifts uncomfortably in his chair, wishing James would be here, so it would feel more normal. Alex feels on edge during the whole meal and doesn´t really know what he should be expecting. He barely eats anything, and he notices Thomas stabbing his food half-heartedly too. This strangely makes him feel better about the situation, knowing that Thomas is out of his depth too. After they have finished, Thomas leads him to his study, which is connected to his bedroom. He locks the door behind them and turns around to Alexander with an almost uncertain smile.

“Hey.”, he says quietly, and Alex smiles.

“Hey.”, the shorter man repeats.

Thomas takes a tentative step forward, reaching up to cup Alexander´s face, and kisses him softly. Alex heart flutters in his chest nervously as he leans into the kiss and wraps his arms around Thomas´ waist. Even though they have been doing this for the past three months, this still feels somehow new. They have never been alone, always with James by their side.

They stay like this for some time, exchanging soft, almost shy kisses.

“Are you tired?”, Thomas asks after some time, pressing his face against Alex´ neck.

The hot breath on his skin makes Alexander shiver and he feels his knees getting weak, but still he nods. Thomas gives him a last kiss on his lips, before reluctantly disentangling him from Alex and stepping back. They change into sleeping clothes and get ready for bed. Alex can still feel a weird energy between them and now that he doesn´t have to divide his attention between the two men, he soaks up every movement Thomas makes and doesn´t take his eyes off him once. Thomas gets into the bed and holds the cover up for Alexander, who climbs into it and snuggles up to his side. Thomas curls his arm protectively around his back, pulling him even closer. It is nice having Thomas completely to himself, but at the same time James´ absence feels weird. Wrong.

“I miss him.”, Alex whispers after a few minutes of silence, and he feels Thomas tense.

“I know. Me too.”, he gives back, his voice small and full of emotion.

Alexander is actually surprised at how much he misses the other man and feels at the same time ridicules for missing him. He knows that he isn´t much more than a convenient body to get off to for the both of them, and that has always been fine, even though lately he has found himself wishing every time they were together like this, that he could have more. Thomas combs his fingers through Alexander´s hair, whose heart aches even more at the soft gesture, and he can´t help the sad sigh escaping him.

“I could distract you for some time, if you want to.”, Thomas suggests, his voice seductive.

He feels Thomas´ hand traveling down his body, but Alexander shakes his head.

“No, I´m not really in the mood for it.”, he answers honestly.

He just hopes Thomas won´t send him home after that. He doesn´t know if he could handle the rejection. He feels fragile and a bit lost.

“Me neither.”, Thomas admits quietly instead.

Alex looks up at the other man confused.

“Then why did you propose it?”

Thomas shrugs and brushes Alex´ hair out of his face.

“I just wanted to make you feel better.”

Alexander smiles sadly at him, his heart almost breaking with the longing he feels. He doesn´t know if he should feel lucky that he has this at least, or if it just makes it worse.

“Thanks.”, he says quietly.

They are silent for some time again, before Alex once more breaks the silence.

“You can´t laugh at that, alright?”

Thomas nods.

“Of course not.”

Alexander takes a deep breath, feeling his heart picking up speed. He can´t believe he is actually going to admit this, until the words leave his mouth.

“I feel a bit stupid for missing him that much. Like, you and James have this…”, he doesn´t actually know what to call it. “This intense connection, and I´m just the guy he has sex with.”

Thomas doesn´t respond for some time and Alexander panics that he has somehow destroyed all of this, but when he hesitantly looks up at him, Thomas is staring at him in confusion.

“Alex, surely you can´t be serious, can you?”

This time it´s on Alexander to look confused.

“What?”

“Do you really think that this is just sex? God, Alex, you are so… there is no reason to feel stupid about missing him, darlin´. I can assure you, that he misses us just as much.”

It takes a moment for the words to really get to Alexander.

“Wait, you mean like, you actually care about me?”

Thomas whole body vibrates with quiet laughter and Alexander feels even stupider after he has said that, and he feels the heat rising in his cheeks. He tries to hide his face behind his hands, but Thomas pushes them away.

“Alex, of course we care about you.”, he says softly.

Alex blushes even more, and averts his eyes, but looks up again, when Thomas leans forward, and carefully kisses him. Alexander almost gasps at the fond look in the other man´s eyes. Maybe it has been there for some time now, and Alex just hadn´t seen it, too caught up in his own insecurities. He hesitates a moment, before he launches forward, pressing their lips together in a passionate kiss.

“I care about you too.”, Alex admits, when he lets go of Thomas.

The older man chuckles at that.

“I figured.”

“Asshole.”, Alex huffs, but Thomas just laughs some more.

“Go to sleep, little lion. I´m gonna kick your ass in tomorrow´s meeting.”

Alex yawns.

“Try me.”

They bicker back and forth, until Alexander takes longer and longer to reply, his words slurring together and getting stretched by yawns, and ultimately doesn´t reply at all anymore. Thomas smiles to himself and presses a light kiss to Alexander´s hair, before closing his eyes too.


End file.
